Any couple will fight. Sometimes the conversation revolves on classic issues like sex and money, and other times it’s about more modern conflicts like how to spend each other’s free time or how to use social media. However, we might overlook this in the heat of the moment: even happy couples have disagreements occasionally. Therefore, how you argue about something is more important than what you dispute about. How you handle disagreements, get past them, and return to the good moments will determine how content you are as a relationship.
Although they have many advantages, it can be difficult to live with someone constantly. Every day, you must cooperate, bargain, communicate, and connect. Things become even more interesting when children are involved.
Despite your desire for complete separation, your personal and professional lives are inextricably linked. It can be problematic when things are going well at work but poorly at home, and vice versa.
Common Issues That Couples Fight Over
The most frequent source of conflict between couples is reportedly money. So it came as quite a shock to hear that the statistics contradict this. Money actually only accounted for 19% of the disagreements in a 2009 study in which 100 couples reported on disputes over a 15-day period. 1 What gives money such a poor reputation, then? Most likely as a result of how closely it is connected to sentiments of autonomy and power. Sit down together, go over the home finances, determine how much you are spending, and agree to a compromise if you and your partner are arguing over who is spending too much money and who is being too frugal.
The worse it becomes the more you hide. Being honest with one another will automatically lead to less disputes.
By stating that only 8% of disagreements are related to intimacy, the 2009 study also disproved the widely held belief that there is a high rate of sexual conflict between couples.
1 Partners’ resentment of one another is one reason why they don’t want to have sex. Bring up any issues you are having with a partner without making them feel offended. For instance, you don’t want to broach the subject in a way that would cause shame if you and your spouse have sexually incompatible needs. (Doing so can make the situation worse.) Knowing your own sexuality, preferences, and preferences will help you start the conversation with your partner from a place of openness rather than criticism. Even while having conversations about sex and intimacy might be difficult, doing it with compassion will help you develop a more fulfilling sexual connection.
Chores and housework
Household duties are one of the most frequent topics of contention in relationships. Even though it may seem insignificant in comparison to the sensationalism surrounding sex and money, the same 2009 study found that a staggering 25% of disputes involved home chores (as much as arguments about sex and money combined). Finding the ideal rhythm and framework for balancing the work is only possible through open and sincere communication. Even though it could be risky, talking about your feelings is frequently a lot more proactive than blaming someone else because it frequently just makes them defensive and shut down. The outcomes might make the work worthwhile: One study discovered that when the man helped out with the housekeeping, heterosexual couples felt more “sexually pleased.” 2 This seems like it could resolve more than one source of conflict. However, as with anything in life, a small act of gratitude can do wonders. According to a new research Gordon is releasing, people tend to be less content in their relationships when they shoulder more of the domestic duties, but this negative effect is mitigated by feeling valued by their partner. “Therefore, people who feel they do more aren’t less content than those who do less if they feel their partners appreciate them, even if they think it’s unfair.”
Nothing (or the Little Things) (or the Little Things)
The concept of “nothing” is completely arbitrary. It’s also the reason why so many of us can recall a dispute we had with a partner about something they thought was unimportant but we thought was really important. These tiny things, whether they be bothersome habits like leaving cabinets open, hesitations about using social media, or that one buddy whose vibes simply seem wrong, frequently add up to huge things. Finding the appropriate balance can help you talk them out. Know when to speak up and when to stay silent, but never allow a situation to develop to the point of an explosive response. Consider what you’re genuinely fighting over and address the cause if you notice that the same cycle keeps happening.
How Frequently Do Couples Battle? (How Often Should You Fight)
The average tends to be fairly low, with the majority of participants reporting modest levels of conflict, according to Gordon, who conducts one- to two-week research in which participants report on their conflict every day. She goes on to say, however, that because of how people define conflict and consequently report it, there is heterogeneity. She continues, “Some people can feel like any disagreement is a fight, while others would think you have to be shouting to be fighting. Even two partners in the same relationship could occasionally dispute over whether or not they were fighting.
But while healthy conflict can be good for a relationship, how often should you fight with your partner? There truly isn’t a proper response for every couple, therefore the answer can leave you feeling a little unsatisfied. Giving a precise figure would be to ignore the many unique personal characteristics that each person brings to their own relationship. According to Gordon’s own research on conflict and feeling understood, persons who report fighting more frequently tend to be less content in their relationships, but this effect is eliminated if a person reports feeling understood by their spouse. Therefore, it appears to be more important to fight effectively than it is to fight frequently.
How to Argue Justly in a Relationship
If disputes are settled with love, they can promote stronger and happier relationships. The issue is that a lot of relationships go into cyclical communication patterns where they become trapped. In this situation, repetition might not be the catalyst for the change you’re looking for but might be creating the conditions for resentment to fester. Any disagreement can only be resolved via fair discussion,